Guapo's Application

My dog had an interview today. Seriously. No bull.

We were required to arrive at 7:45 a.m. (A little early for my tastes, but ... whatever.) We pulled into the lot of Camp Bow Wow at 7:40, and were surprised to see that the place was already bustling. From the tight ship they were running, it seemed they had been going for hours - long before Guapo had licked my daughter's face and well before I'd slid him into the middle seat of my crossover vehicle like some kind of hairy little toddler.

The facility's exterior was unassuming, but it belied the glorious doggie heaven that is the inside of Camp Bow Wow. We waited among the Shepherds and Daschunds, Boxers and Terriers -- but they were already where we wanted to be: "in."

You see, Guapo was seeking admission into one of the most exclusive of area doggie day camps and boarding facilities. It's sort of like the Brown University of boarders -- you know, not quite Harvard, but still expensive enough to allow us to look down on lesser dogs. Getting into said program is not as simple as you may think. It required much more than just calling, weighing and proving vaccinations. It all started with a three-page application.

The subsequent process involved several phases:

1. Meet the Directors - We were greeted by management who proceeded to feel Guapo up like he was hiding a balloon full of crack somewhere in his digestive tract.

2. Alpha Male - Guapo was put in a room alone. The directors introduced a male of similar size to him to see how he'd react. He didn't.

3. Freaky Deekie - The male was escorted back to his pen, and the directors brought a female of Guapo's size (actually, twice his size) into his bed chambers. Again, nothing. (Though, I think in this case he was simply playing hard-to-get.)

4. Menage a Trois - The trio was then taken to the play area where they proceeded to frolic in the sunrise. Actually, the other two frolicked. Guapo ran in retarded little circles until he was overcome with dizziness and simply sat, exhausted, on the AstroTurf.

Finally, the directors came out with their report: Guapo gets to stay for Phase 5 of this house party. I was politely asked to leave for a minimum of 3 hours as the staff monitored his play habits with up to 8 dogs at a time (gratis, of course).

I left my fourth child at Camp Bow Wow this morning. I was given nothing more than the Web address through which I could monitor his behavior on streaming video (and I have, much much more than I expected to).

Now, lunch time can't get here soon enough. Keep your fingers crossed. Guapo really needs this gig. We want him to have his own little "Cheers," you know? A place where everybody knows his name, and they're always glad he came.

UPDATE: Guapo was deemed worthy!

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